Like most families, we have a lot going on: Jessi's job, my business, the kid's school, and everyone's additional activities. It takes effort to stay on the same page! At a minimum, ensuring someone picks up the kids each day can be challenging.
To help, we started holding what we call our "Meeting of Life."
It's a semi-formal meeting between Jessi and me to sync up on things happening in the next few weeks. We started simply by reviewing our calendars together, and it expanded into other shared areas of our lives.
Jessi and I have the meeting after putting the kids to bed on Sunday evening. It's typically 30 minutes, but some weeks, we only sync up on the critical things; other weeks, we spend the entire evening talking. It's been transformational, and I highly recommend it to everyone.
Here's what we do:
1. Pray
We start with prayer. We ask the Lord to guide our week and align us with His plan for the week.
2. Goals & Emotions
We then share our progress toward long-term goals and our emotional state. We talk a lot throughout the week, so there's rarely a surprise, but it's nice to know how each of us feels about our progress and life in general.
This part of the meeting can extend to an all-evening discussion. If it does, that's because it was needed, so it's all good.
3. Calendar
If we have limited time, this is the one we do. I pull up our calendars on my computer - a big screen where you can see the entire week helps. Yes, we have separate calendars for everyone because now the kids do their own activities. We double-check that drop-offs and pick-ups are covered and talk about irregular events - especially ones that impact the rest of the family.
We look at the next two weeks in detail, discussing each day. Then, we glance out a few weeks, looking for bigger upcoming events that might require planning.
Here's an example week. We have several recurring events, so sometimes there will be some overlaps with one-time events we'll need to resolve - and that's where we'll spend our time getting alignment. We're not crazy, right?
For the record, my normal view excludes everyone else's calendars, so it doesn't look this nuts (though, I do add my tasks, so it's a little nuts...). I cannot overstate how helpful it's been to get on the same page with our schedules! We still have double-booking issues or missing things, but they're much fewer.
4. Meal Plan
Once we have a sense of our schedules, we'll walk over to our meal calendar on the fridge. It's a dry-erase poster with five weeks on it. We re-write it once a month-ish, so it's helpful to ensure what we planned for food still makes sense for the upcoming week. We typically shop in two-week increments, so we also decide when to go shopping (and add it to the calendar).
On our meal plan calendar, we also note any big events that might impact the evening meal. So there's a bit of "two sources of truth," but it's super helpful to quickly see the context for any given meal.
And some weeks, we suddenly realize we're at the end of the calendar! Yeah, we're not perfect... We scrounge for a couple of meals (pasta!), or I'll make a quick trip (for pasta!) to get enough food to last us until we can update the calendar.
5. Finances
Now that Mint is dead, we use Quicken Simplifi to track our personal finances. So, once a month, I categorize transactions, and we look at our progress. I find the last six months over time for net income and expenses the most helpful views.
Here's the expense view. We start with this, and then I filter out big categories (like home, food, etc.), which updates the chart to break out more items from "Everything else."
Before we started regularly meeting, Jessi didn't pay much attention to what was going on. It was OK, but occasionally, it caused a problem because we weren't on the same page. Tracking finances is still a pain, but it's much better when we are aligned.
6. Chore List
We have an epic chore chart that needs resetting every week. Chores are daily, weekly, or monthly, so it's helpful to quickly see what's coming up. Sometimes, we look at something that's supposed to happen and decide to bump it because of what's happening that week.
And, I'll be honest: we're not perfect at this. Some days (weeks?!), we punt on it altogether. As long as we do it 80% of the time, it keeps our house in reasonable shape.
7. Homework and Dinner Discussions
We used to align on what the kids had for homework, but we simplified our weekly rhythm and don't need to discuss it during this time anymore. Instead, once in a while, Jessi will drop homework so I can see the kids' progress a pile of finis.
We also used to plan out some of our dinner discussions (especially on Saturdays - our quieter night), but we're working through a theology book with the kids, so we don't need to align on that, either. But, these were good for us to include so we could be intentional.
So, that's what we do. It's been invaluable to our marriage, and I recommend trying it out for the things in your shared life.