How Small Promises Build Big Trust — in Business and at Home

I recently listened to a podcast where they discussed a decision to build a big business. The interviewer asked what his wife thought about his decision. Here’s what they said:

Question:

“What about that conversation with your wife? Was it an easy yes? Was it an easy, let's go?”

Answer:

“Yeah. You know, it was easy. And here, it's because I take the garbage out. And what I mean by that is this: whenever I talk to people about getting their spouse on board, people ask that question: ‘Oh, my spouse isn't on board, or my spouse doesn't really want to do what I want to do, or I want to start this business — my spouse isn't on board.’ It's usually because they don't take the garbage out. And I use that as a metaphor, but it's also a reality. If they say they're going to do things in their personal private life, and then they do not do it. So they have trained their spouse that they are unreliable; non-dependable.”

“They are not to be trusted. And they have trained their spouse over and over and over by saying, ‘I’m going to take the garbage out,’ and then not taking the garbage out! So if you do that year after year after year and week after week and day after day and all that. And then you say, ‘Hey, I got this idea. I'm going to go build this business.’ You have already set yourself up to be untrusted with that. So, of course, I'm not going to support the other person because I don't believe that they're going to do what they say they're going to do because they never do what they say they're going to do. How you do anything is how you do everything.”

This reminds me of a book by Dr. Kevin Leman called “Sex Begins In The Kitchen,” which says great sex is the by-product of the way spouses treat each other all day long. Small, consistent “deposits of care” — like listening, sharing feelings, pitching in, and expressing affection — create emotional closeness, and physical intimacy naturally follows. The kitchen is a metaphor for those mundane, daily interactions.

I love a good metaphor. 

So, I’ve been thinking about both of these all week and take three lessons I can apply in my business & personal relationships.

Lesson 1: Keep My Promises

If I say I’m going to do something, do it. It’s so simple, right?! The problem I deal with is underestimating how much I can actually accomplish. So, I tend to overpromise (with good intentions) and then inevitably don’t deliver on something. This is my reminder to give myself margin to do what I said I would do. It’s OK if every day isn’t perfectly optimized for productivity.

Lesson 2: The Small Things Matter

Who cares about the garbage? That’s a small thing. The important thing is that I earned enough money to pay all of our expenses. Well, yes. Important things are... well... important. But it turns out, so are the smaller things. It never fails to bring Jessi a smile when she comes home to find all the dishes done.

I think small things are important because it shows a level of care: I’m not just focused on the big things, I also care about the small ones. Furthermore, Ramit Sethi calls these competency triggers: visible cues that signal to others that I’m skilled, reliable, and worth trusting.

Lesson 3: Victory Happens Before The Start Line

I recently syndicated the purchase of a super cool building. The deal took many months to complete, involving a significant amount of work by multiple parties. It wasn’t easy to get it over the line.

But here’s the deal, I unknowingly started working on this deal YEARS before I even knew about it. This was a mixed-use property, and I happened to have experience with those types of tenants/spaces. So, I had the experience.

I also had a list of investors interested in funding this type of deal.

And finally, I built a great friendship with the broker. We did a previous deal together, I joined him on panels, I sent him referrals, and generally supported his career. So, I was on a very short list of people who knew about the deal before the rest of the market. That gave me the chance to submit an offer before anyone else.

The point is this: I had been doing things that made this deal even possible. Without the experience, resources, or connections, there’s no way I could have bought such a cool asset.

Going forward, I can be more intentional about where I want to go and focus on gaining the experience/skills necessary before I directly pursue the next level.

Final Thoughts

One more quote from Jim Collins in Great by Choice:

"Discipline, in essence, is consistency of action—consistency with values, consistency with long-term goals, consistency with performance standards, consistency of method, consistency over time."

This is what the podcast conversation was getting at. Success is about consistency of action, both big and small. It’s taking out the garbage and making deposits of care. Doing that builds trust with others. It’s a simple idea, but hard to carry out. The best way I know to do that is to not overcommit, so I can keep both my big and small promises.

I Hired My First Employee For My Property Management Business

Exciting news! I hired my first employee for my property management business. It’s been interesting experiencing a whole new set of opportunities and challenges, but on the whole, I’m loving it.

Why I Hire An Employee (Not a Contractor)

For starters, I need help. As my units under management have grown, it’s simply more than I can handle on my own.

Interestingly, this happens a lot in the property management space. Someone new enters the market and quickly gets 50-100 units almost exclusively from referrals. Somewhere in that range is when you need to hire help, and 90% stop growing because their service suffers (and referrals stop), or they decide they’re big enough to support themselves without the people management complications.

I wasn’t willing to stall, so I brought on an operations coordinator: someone to schedule and coordinate contractors and tenants. And they’re an employee instead of a contractor because of the [economic realities test](https://www.oregon.gov/boli/employers/Pages/employee-or-independent-contractor.aspx/1000):

1. Is the worker’s task essential to your core operations? Carpenters vs. software developers for a construction firm, for instance.
2. Who determines schedules, methods, tools, and wages? More control means they’re an employee.  
3. Is it an ongoing/indefinite engagement? Project-based work may indicate a contractor.
4. Contractor status favors those exercising business skills, not just technical delivery.
5. Contractors typically bear profit risk; employees don’t.
6. Contractors typically have more than one client they work for; employees don’t.

For me, the answers were clear: the job is essential. I’m determining the methods, tools, and wages. It’s an ongoing engagement that’s only with me. And they’re not bearing any profit risk (though it is a skilled position).

It’s exciting, but it’s a significant amount of work to set up!

Hiring Is More Than Payroll

I’m using Gusto for my payroll, which has been solid. I think their biggest problem is that they slightly overpromise by making it sound like it’s a 1-click setup. I’m sure it’s significantly easier than doing it manually, but it’s not a 1-click setup.

I do appreciate that Gusto keeps bringing up compliance requirements. For example, they reminded me: to: 

• Register for a business identification number (BIN)
• Get workers’ compensation
• Provide employment posters
• Set up a retirement account
• Submit an I-9 form
• Create an employee handbook

Technically, Gusto (and their partners) will handle all of this for me, but it’s significantly more expensive!

• Their workers’ comp partner was 4X the cost of Oregon’s SAIF. Though perhaps their coverage is better?
• They’ll provide posters for $12-25/month vs downloading them for free off the state BOLI website. I guess it’s nice not to have to check for updates?
• Their retirement account partner is $90/month vs OregonSaves’ free plan. Perhaps they offer more options?
• They have a partner who will register your BIN for ~$150 vs doing it on Oregon’s Department of Revenue website for free. I suppose it’s nice not having to navigate it on your own?

I get it, I’m trading my time to do it on my own, but those are not negligible costs! That, and I like knowing about the process.

Why It’s Worth It

Despite the compliance rabbit hole, the rest of it has been great! I love that important things that kept getting bumped because of urgent things are now getting done. Plus, there’s an accountability benefit to me, too. Since I know I’m asking others to get this done, I feel the (good) pressure to get my stuff done too.

I’m already planning my next hire, which will likely happen during Q4. I think it’ll be a maintenance person because there seems to be a never-ending list of small jobs that need to be done. Hiring someone will help me get to problems sooner and save my owners’ money. I’m in the process of getting my CCB (a requirement for another project), so we’ll be appropriately licensed and insured.

I think with a team of four — a receptionist, bookkeeper, handyman, and leasing & tenant coordinator — we can scale up to 500 units. Like I said, I’m excited and am seeing what it looks like to scale to the next level.

Why Most Meetings Feel Draining — and How to Make Them Worth Attending

When I worked for HP, I typically had 4-8 meetings a day. It was a lot! Then, when I left, it dropped off dramatically - sometimes zero meetings in a week. But, as I’m growing my company, I’m holding more and more meetings. Yet, this time round, it feels different. And part of it has to do with this quote from the book Traction: 

What makes for great meetings is solving problems. Patrick Lencioni says it best: “Your meetings should be passionate, intense, exhausting, and never boring.” (p. 190) 

There were times when my HP meetings were forgettable, dull, draining, and boring. They were typically larger group updates. I’m sure they were great for some people, but I loathed them. HP would hold quarterly all-company meetings, and I usually only stayed on for the first 10 minutes (if not skipping it entirely and only reading the follow-up email).

And yet, I had other multi-hour-long meetings that I loved. Those were the ones where we tackled tough forecasting problems. Or, sometimes it was finding yet another way to say people were printing less (“printing growth is attenuating” was my favorite).

But today, I enjoy most of my meetings. I find many of them directionally similar to what Lencioni described. I had a meeting with the executive director of Love INC to discuss a proposed budget change that wasn’t explicitly addressed in the financial policy document. She wanted my interpretation (as the treasurer) of the policy’s spirit and assistance in updating the relevant section to clarify its application in this situation.

You’d think that would be a horribly tedious meeting, but I enjoyed it. Why?

Rat Race Meetings

One reason people hate meetings is the lack of autonomy. 

There’s a neuroscience study called “The Effects of Voluntary, Involuntary, and Forced Exercises on Brain Function after Cerebral Ischemia,” which looked at two groups of rats. In one group of rats, they ran on a wheel whenever they wanted. In the second group, they were forced to run on a treadmill. Both groups ran the same amount. So you’d think, physically speaking, they would have similar effects.

But no.

• The voluntary runners had higher hippocampal BDNF (a brain health marker), better motor recovery, and lower stress hormone (corticosterone) levels.
• The forced runners showed higher corticosterone (stress) and lower BDNF, with poorer recovery outcomes, typical of chronic stress exposure.

Yikes!

No matter how amazing a meeting might be, if you’re “forced” to go (by, say, a manager), there are built-in negative headwinds. And let’s be honest, most meetings are middling, so in reality, they’re a net negative.

And unfortunately, the person who called the meeting — usually the manager — was the voluntary runner and, therefore, enjoyed it.

I think this explains why I enjoyed my financial policy meeting: I volunteered to join the board. So, even nit-picky policy meetings like that are fun. But I think there’s more to it than just autonomy.

Asymmetric Meetings

Many times, the outcomes are asymmetric. I remember once complaining to my HP boss that our weekly update meeting felt like a waste of time for me (except for my 5-10 minute part, of course). I appreciated her response, “Well, the meeting isn’t for you; it’s for me. By doing it this way, I can get updates from the entire team in a single one-hour meeting instead of holding 7 half-hour meetings. It’s not perfect, but it lets me spend an extra two and a half hours each week tackling other problems. Feel free to multitask when it’s not your turn.”

I think we attend many meetings where the benefits are much greater for the leader than for the attendee. Fundamentally, you have to care about the outcome, or the meeting will feel like a waste of time.

Type II Meetings

Perhaps one way to think of meetings is using the three different types of fun framework. In the same way that there are three types of fun, I think there are three types of meetings.

Type I Meetings:

These are enjoyable in the moment. They might be quick (who doesn’t love it when a meeting ends early?!), energetic, or insightful. I think of meeting someone new for coffee as a perfect example.

Type II Meetings:

These meetings aren’t necessarily fun while in the meeting, but are fun in retrospect. These meetings are what Patrick Lencioni is referring to. You’re solving a problem. Some examples are strategy sessions or negotiations. I find myself wanting to have more of these types of meetings.

Type III Meetings:

These are the worst. They’re not enjoyable during or after. There’s no progress, insight, or closure — it’s just a soul-sucking slog. Ugh! I think group update meetings can get this way if you’re not careful. So can meetings that turn into a one-person monologue, or where the leader is unprepared.

My multi-hour forecasting meetings and that finance meeting were type II meetings - hard in the moment, but fun in retrospect.

Predictable Meetings

In the book Hooked, Nir Eyal explains that “Experiences with finite variability become less engaging because they eventually become predictable” (p. 127). If you’ve ever binge-watched a pre-streaming-era TV show, you notice the show’s pattern, and it quickly becomes predictable and less interesting.

But there’s nuance. Simply changing up the format probably won’t work because only the leader has true autonomy. Eyal continues:

Remember, variability is only engaging when the user maintains a sense of autonomy. People will stand in line for hours to ride the twists and turns of a roller coaster but are panic stricken when they experience a bit of turbulence on an airline flight. Therefore, the job of companies operating in conditions of inherent variability is to give users what they desperately crave in conditions of low control—a sense of agency.  (p. 129).

Instead, you want the content of the meeting to be variable. This is probably why weekly team update meetings are the worst: they’re highly repetitive, predictable, and forced.

In my company, I avoid group check-ins and instead do one-on-ones. And, for the most part, I let the other person drive the discussion because I’m already interested in what they’re doing. It’s my small attempt at sharing autonomy. Yes, I’m in four times as many meetings versus doing it as a group, but I find the experience is better for everyone.

And, of course, if you change up the order or topics, some people will enjoy it and others won’t. You’ll never have everyone fully on board unless it’s something where everyone volunteered to attend.

Less Meetings

Another way to limit meeting predictability is to reduce the number of meetings. Here’s the advice from the folks at 37Signals, who only hold meetings as a last resort. In their book Remote, they write:

Meetings. Ah, meetings. Know anyone out there who wishes they had more meetings? We don’t either. Why is that? Meetings should be great—they’re opportunities for a group of people sitting together around a table to directly communicate. That should be a good thing. And it is, but only if treated as a rare delicacy.

When meetings are the norm, the first resort, the go-to tool to discuss, debate, and solve every problem, they become overused and we grow numb to the outcome. Meetings should be like salt—sprinkled carefully to enhance a dish, not poured recklessly over every forkful. Too much salt destroys a dish. Too many meetings can destroy morale and motivation. (pp. 114-115)

They also recommend hiring only smart people who get things done. I mean, obviously, that’s what you want to do, but it’s much harder to do in practice, so the advice isn’t super helpful. “Just have fewer meetings” can also sound like a great theory that’s hard in practice, especially if the alternative is sending more emails. Still, it’s worth remembering and striving for fewer meetings if possible.

Better Meetings

Alright, let’s land this plane. Here’s how I try to make meetings better.

If you lead meetings...

• Recognize that everyone else will be walking in with the negative consequence of being a “forced attendee.” You don’t need to apologize; just do the work ahead of time to make the meeting meaningful.
• Hold fewer group updates. Go asynchronous or default to 1-on-1s.
• Focus your meetings on solving meaningful problems.
• End with a “meeting rating” (1–10) to improve feedback loops. I don’t do this often, but I’m trying out Slido.

If you attend meetings...

• Find your autonomy: suggest time slots (I blocked out maker hours in Outlook when at HP), ask for the agenda, or volunteer for a meaningful role (like capturing action items).
• When possible, choose meetings where you solve problems that you care about. It may not be fun in the moment, but in retrospect, you’ll appreciate them. If you don’t care about the problem, consider not going.
• If you’re in a group update, give yourself guilt-free permission not to be 100% engaged because the meeting isn’t for you.
• If possible, earn yourself positions where you get to decide if there’s a meeting or not.

Passionate. Intense. Exhausting. Never boring. Meaningful meetings aren’t effortless — they’re earned. Keeping these points in mind can dramatically improve your meeting experience.

Charles Vincent Furlo

After our dachshund, Vinnie, passed away in December, our house felt empty. I thought that over time, we’d adjust, but it never really happened. So, after a few months, we began discussing the possibility of getting a new dog.

Then, one day during Spring Break, we took a family hike and walked 7 miles! We realized that in Vinnie’s prime, the furthest he walked was 3 miles (technically, two blocks shy of 3 miles, and I’d carry him the last little bit). So we started talking about different types of dogs beyond the short-legged wonder.

But we liked the smaller size... so what to do?

Well, we discovered the Canoe Labrador. They’re British Labs that are bred to be a smaller size (35-50 lbs) — to jump in and out of a canoe without capsizing it. As someone who grew up with Labs, I immediately like the idea. The only catch? There aren’t many breeders, and the one we liked was based in Tennessee!

Talking with the breeder, it turned out she had family in Montana and was willing to meet us there. So, we bought plane tickets, and six weeks later (after he was big enough), we met her in the parking lot at Billings Airport and said hello to our new family member: Charles Vincent Furlo (Chuck, for short).

I realize we spent more on a pet (including plane tickets) than seems reasonable. But Vinnie was an absolute joy, we have particular tastes, and we know he’ll be around for many years. Therefore, the cost seems worthwhile to us. Additionally, there are other areas where we don’t spend much (such as on cars), which allows us to afford such indulgences.

In the weeks leading up to getting him, I’ve never seen our family more unified in our excitement about something. Every night we prayed for him. Everyone helped prepare the house, including fixing a section of the fence.

And now he’s here! So exciting!

One interesting observation: when we got Vinnie, it was just Jessi and me, and I worked from home. So, I spent a significant amount of time alone with Vinnie, and we were best buds. Even when the kids came along, I remained top dog as it were.

This time around is different because the kids are on summer break. So they’re spending A LOT more time with Chuck than I am. Plus, the people working at the kennel were all females, so he’s a bit startled (intimidated?) by me. But he’ll come around, especially in the fall when everyone else is gone.

Here he is thanking Elinor for the blanket she crocheted for him.

I Have A Content Problem And I Don't Know How To Solve It

This will not be one of those "How I went from 200 views to millions of views" posts. It's quite the opposite because I have a content problem, and I don't know how to solve it.

In my business, the big question I must answer is: "What would it take for someone who found me online to invest $50,000 into a real estate deal with me?" The high-level answer is that I need to create enough trust that I'll do what I say I'll do.

What I'm Doing

My current strategy for building enough trust for that type of investment is a content funnel:

• I create podcast episodes and videos to earn trust and attract potential investors.
• From those, they visit my website and either download a free due diligence guide or join my mailing list.
• That puts them on my email, where I educate them on passive investing & nurture the relationship.
• And ideally, they eventually invest with me once I build know, like, and trust.

On a typical week, I produce one podcast, three shorts/reels (from the podcast), and a summary carousel (of the podcast). This is sustainable for me (and Jessi).

My Results

Here are my typical stats:

• Podcast audio listens: 10
• Podcast video views: 532
• YouTube views per short: 1,991
• Instagram views per reel / carousel: 215 / 65
• LinkedIn views per podcast post / short / carousel: 23  /  7 / 41
• Weekly website visits: 62
• Email subscribers: 1-ish every 3 weeks
• Active investors who found me online: 0

At first glance, those numbers feel... underwhelming. I recognize that subscribers and views are vanity metrics and not my ultimate goal, but they're part of my funnel and feel low.

How Do I Improve?

I have an existing set of investors, which is fantastic, but I'd like to 10X that so we can do more/bigger deals. And for now, my biggest issue in reaching that goal is not having enough people at the top of the funnel. So, I'd like to 10X (or 100X?) each of those results above.

But I'm genuinely at a loss for what I need to improve. Here's an overwhelming list of questions I regularly ask myself:

• I've created my ideal customer profile based on current investors. Maybe I need to be more niche?
• I've taken classes to improve my video editing skills, but perhaps I need to increase the production quality significantly?
• I've gotten help with my YouTube SEO, but the impact isn't meaningful.
• I think the topics we discuss are relevant to investors... but maybe not?
• Maybe I should do epic real estate things (i.e., hard to replicate at home) and share them?
• Should I start or join an engagement pod where 4-10 of us like/comment on each other's posts to kickstart the ol' algorithms to promote them more? (probably not)
• Or, should I leave my $1.80 by commenting on 90 posts a day?
• I'm posting 1 video and 3 shorts a week. Should I increase to 1-2 a day? Is that sustainable?
• I like my titles and thumbnails, but perhaps they're not effective?
• Do I need to invest more time in understanding my retention analytics and optimizing what I have?
• Should I hire a social media guru? Probably not... But maybe there are folks who could coach me?
• Is this answer "yes" to all of them?!

So many questions! And yet, I simultaneously feel like I'm overthinking this!

What Would You Do?

The standard advice is to keep going and improve something 1% each time. I feel like that's what I'm doing, but... I don't know... It's discouraging. I'd like to try putting in 10X the effort, but a) I'm not sure where to put it, and b) I don't have that much time (or money to pay someone else to put in that much time) since this isn't directly related to my revenue.

In reality, if I attracted one qualified investor a month, that would be amazing! So, I don't need a huge following, but having more would be helpful.

So that's where I'm at. I'm open to feedback or ideas. :)

The Seven Dwarves Deserve Their Own Movie. Here's My Pitch.

I've been thinking about the new Snow White movie recently. In my opinion, all remakes struggle because they have to contend with the nostalgia of the first version. The movie can't just be a little better; it has to be orders of magnitude better (like Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy).

Instead, I think the winning strategy is to tell an adjacent story.

For example, Maleficent, Wicked, and Cruella are the origin stories of Sleeping Beauty, The Wizard of Oz, and 101 Dalmatians. It lets the original stand as-is and builds depth into the villain (while often flipping the original's moral framing).

There are also origin stories of side characters:

• Finding Dory
• Minions
• Lightyear

And then there are spin-offs:

• The Lego Batman Movie
• Venom
• Planes
• Frasier

These tend to be more lighthearted, which is fine with me.

One obvious concept for Snow White would be the origin story of Queen Grimhilde (aka The Evil Queen). It would follow her journey from royal bride to feared sorceress. Maybe she descends into madness after being betrayed (another moral framing flip). Perhaps her enchanted mirror becomes her only confidant, but ultimately her tormentor. I'd call it "Mirror, Mirror" or something catchy like that.

I'm in! Who doesn't love a well-told anti-hero movie these days?!

The Seven Dwarves

However, one fascinating area to explore is the seven dwarves.

For example, you could go gritty:

Before they met Snow White, they escaped a brutal war in the mountain kingdoms. They were once proud gemcrafters to royalty, but now they live in exile. And they were part of a sprawling underground civilization before the war. Perhaps the gems aren't just pretty but store magic (that was ultimately used in the war). This "band of brothers" swore never to get involved in "human affairs" again... until Snow White.

But I think you could also tell a super fun origin story.

Hear me out: what if they were former thieves?!

Doc is a genius strategist with alchemical skills, but society has rejected him because of a massive mistake. (I know it's vague, but let's keep rolling.)

So, he wants to break into the castle's enchanted vault to steal the Heartstone — a magical gem powerful enough to keep someone eternally youthful and powerful — to change how he looks and effectively create a new identity (it's a selfish reason).

But there's a catch: the only time the vault is being predictably opened is for a wedding ceremony of the King's new wife. His wife died during childbirth, and he found a new wife/stepmother. Unbeknownst to all, she's only marrying to get access to the Heartstone.

To pull off the heist, he gathers six outcast minors.

1. Grumpy: A no-nonsense bruiser, former royal guard
2. Happy: A charming con man with a winning smile
3. Sleepy: Has prophetic dreams, but is unreliable
4. Sneezy: Can literally sniff out magic traps
5. Bashful: Quiet and stealthy
6. Dopey: Silent, but brilliant with gadgets and explosives. A wild card.

I'm making this up without a complete storyline; don't get upset at me.

Act 1 would be recruiting and planning.

Doc has been out of the game until he hears about the Queen's vault. He gathers the old crew - each one reluctant, hiding in exile, or eking out a mundane life. He promises each of them a redo in life because of the stone.

Act 2 would be the setup and challenges.

They do training and recon missions. There are magical hiccups, run-ins with guards, unstable tunnels, and enchanted traps. They discover the magic mirror sees everything, so they must blind it to their actions.

Act 3 would be the heist.

It's a multi-layered plan with parallel timelines. Perhaps Bashful almost sells them out but decides not to. Or, the entire time, Dopey has been accidentally solving problems, but now he deliberately saves the day!

But then they decide NOT to keep the gem and use it to save the newborn princess's life (which, unknown to them, was threatened by the soon-to-be-queen). And an obvious side effect is that it turns her skin as white as snow while protecting her from the Queen trying to kill her in the future (hence the huntsman and the "sleeping death" in the cartoon).

Ultimately, we see them vanish into the woods without rewards, titles, or a redo. But they're content with their decision and start whistling as they go away...

I think some fun titles could be:

• Seven and the Stone
• Once Upon a Heist
• The Seven

That's my idea. Disney, you can DM me for where to send the royalty check. ;)

Why Streaks Work On Me (Even When Motivation Fades)

I hate to admit it, but streaks—consecutive days of doing something—work on me. And if I’m really candid, most of the time, the loss of breaking a streak is slightly more motivating than the positive feelings I get from seeing a long streak.

A Streak For Streak’s Sake

For example, I currently have a 192-day streak of using Duolingo (language learning).

That’s cool, but I actually think I’m over it. We’re back from Spain, and it doesn’t look like I’m going to Mexico this year. So, my motivation to keep going is relatively low. I know it’s probably good for me to keep going, but if it weren’t for that 192, I would have stopped two weeks ago!


How crazy powerful is that?!

For The Love Of It

But there are others that I genuinely enjoy doing every day, regardless of the streak counter. For example, DayOne (journaling), Readwise (book highlights), and MyFitnessPal (calorie tracking).

But here’s what’s interesting: these allow for catching up, and I do that occasionally. And it’s not because I want to ensure I journal or get the review - it’s simply to keep the streak alive!

Broken Dreams... I mean... Streaks

And then there are others that I wish I still had a streak in but no longer do, like Quip (teeth brushing) and Fitbod (strength training). Here are the streaks I had in January (when I originally conceived of this post).

Alas, quip connects to my toothbrush via Bluetooth, and it couldn’t handle the time change in Spain. So, on one day, I have 3 brushings, and on another, I only have one brushing. The steak is broken, and there’s no way to “fix it.”

Does it count that I physically did the responsible thing and brushed twice daily in real life? Nope!

And then there’s these sad situations.

Twenty-three weeks was pretty good, but I got sick after returning from our trip. Combine it with bad weather, and well, the streak is broken. I totally own this one, and I don’t even have the satisfaction of knowing in my heart I put in the work.

You’d think the whole “I didn’t work out” thing would bother me, but nope! The loss of the streak is what bothers me!

Sure, I know I can “just start again,” but the whole point of this tirade is my admission that keeping the streak is somehow, inexplicitly, more motivating than the actual thing.

Why Streaks Are Powerful

I wanted to know why this works so well on me (and presumably others). Here’s what I learned:

Loss Aversion

It’s not just the steak I’d lose. It’s the effort, identity, and progress associated with it. And I (apparently) value a loss much more than a win, so I put in more effort to avoid all those losses.

Identity Reinforcement

Streaks become part of my self-perception. “I’m the kind of person who doesn’t miss a day of brushing.” Or “I’m the kind of person who values reading.” The steak acts as an easily identifiable external signal of the kind of person I am. This is why recovering alcoholics track how long it’s been since they had a drink.

The Zeigarnik Effect

Streaks keep a task “open” in my mind. If I don’t get to Duolingo first thing in the morning, I think about it the rest of the day, trying to remember to do it. [David Allen](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Allen_(author)) would shed a tear for me. That desire for closure compels me to keep the steak alive.

Progress Triggers Dopamine

There’s actually a physical, addictive component to streaks. Each step releases dopamine, which reinforces my action. Knowing this kind of makes me want to do a streak detox and break all of them for a week. (But I probably won’t, hence the addictive part...)

Commitment & Consistency Bias

Streaks become a psychological contract with myself. I desire to be consistent with things I’ve already done, so a small streak starts creating internal pressure to remain consistent with my prior actions. The longer it goes, the stronger it gets.

So, streaks work because they intertwine behavior with emotion, identity, memory, and even brain chemistry. And thanks to smartphones and apps, streaks are easier than ever to create. 

I’m unsure if my situation is a good or bad thing. I suppose since all of mine are healthy habits, it’s good?

But knowing how powerful they are on me, it’s good to be aware of for some not-so-healthy habit-forming apps, like some smartphone games.

PS. In case you haven’t noticed, I posted once a month last year. Here I am in the last week of March, keeping the streak alive...

PPS. This would probably work on me if it weren’t so hidden. Thankfully, Apple’s too concerned about my mental health to put it front and center.