How We Juggle Work, Kids, and Life—Thanks to Our 'Meeting of Life'

Like most families, we have a lot going on: Jessi's job, my business, the kid's school, and everyone's additional activities. It takes effort to stay on the same page! At a minimum, ensuring someone picks up the kids each day can be challenging.

To help, we started holding what we call our "Meeting of Life."

It's a semi-formal meeting between Jessi and me to sync up on things happening in the next few weeks. We started simply by reviewing our calendars together, and it expanded into other shared areas of our lives.

Jessi and I have the meeting after putting the kids to bed on Sunday evening. It's typically 30 minutes, but some weeks, we only sync up on the critical things; other weeks, we spend the entire evening talking. It's been transformational, and I highly recommend it to everyone. 

Here's what we do:

1. Pray

We start with prayer. We ask the Lord to guide our week and align us with His plan for the week.

2. Goals & Emotions

We then share our progress toward long-term goals and our emotional state. We talk a lot throughout the week, so there's rarely a surprise, but it's nice to know how each of us feels about our progress and life in general.

This part of the meeting can extend to an all-evening discussion. If it does, that's because it was needed, so it's all good.

3. Calendar

If we have limited time, this is the one we do. I pull up our calendars on my computer - a big screen where you can see the entire week helps. Yes, we have separate calendars for everyone because now the kids do their own activities. We double-check that drop-offs and pick-ups are covered and talk about irregular events - especially ones that impact the rest of the family.

We look at the next two weeks in detail, discussing each day. Then, we glance out a few weeks, looking for bigger upcoming events that might require planning.

Here's an example week. We have several recurring events, so sometimes there will be some overlaps with one-time events we'll need to resolve - and that's where we'll spend our time getting alignment. We're not crazy, right?

For the record, my normal view excludes everyone else's calendars, so it doesn't look this nuts (though, I do add my tasks, so it's a little nuts...). I cannot overstate how helpful it's been to get on the same page with our schedules! We still have double-booking issues or missing things, but they're much fewer.

4. Meal Plan

Once we have a sense of our schedules, we'll walk over to our meal calendar on the fridge. It's a dry-erase poster with five weeks on it. We re-write it once a month-ish, so it's helpful to ensure what we planned for food still makes sense for the upcoming week. We typically shop in two-week increments, so we also decide when to go shopping (and add it to the calendar).

On our meal plan calendar, we also note any big events that might impact the evening meal. So there's a bit of "two sources of truth," but it's super helpful to quickly see the context for any given meal.

And some weeks, we suddenly realize we're at the end of the calendar! Yeah, we're not perfect... We scrounge for a couple of meals (pasta!), or I'll make a quick trip (for pasta!) to get enough food to last us until we can update the calendar.

5. Finances

Now that Mint is dead, we use Quicken Simplifi to track our personal finances. So, once a month, I categorize transactions, and we look at our progress. I find the last six months over time for net income and expenses the most helpful views.

Here's the expense view. We start with this, and then I filter out big categories (like home, food, etc.), which updates the chart to break out more items from "Everything else."

Before we started regularly meeting, Jessi didn't pay much attention to what was going on. It was OK, but occasionally, it caused a problem because we weren't on the same page. Tracking finances is still a pain, but it's much better when we are aligned.

6. Chore List

We have an epic chore chart that needs resetting every week. Chores are daily, weekly, or monthly, so it's helpful to quickly see what's coming up. Sometimes, we look at something that's supposed to happen and decide to bump it because of what's happening that week.

And, I'll be honest: we're not perfect at this. Some days (weeks?!), we punt on it altogether. As long as we do it 80% of the time, it keeps our house in reasonable shape.

7. Homework and Dinner Discussions

We used to align on what the kids had for homework, but we simplified our weekly rhythm and don't need to discuss it during this time anymore. Instead, once in a while, Jessi will drop homework so I can see the kids' progress a pile of finis.

We also used to plan out some of our dinner discussions (especially on Saturdays - our quieter night), but we're working through a theology book with the kids, so we don't need to align on that, either. But, these were good for us to include so we could be intentional.

So, that's what we do. It's been invaluable to our marriage, and I recommend trying it out for the things in your shared life.

Free, Perfect, and Now

A lesson from business school that I'll never forget is simple: customers want your product or service to be free, perfect, and now. That's it. Simple.

And if I'm honest with myself, that's exactly what I want:

1. the lowest price/effort possible,
2. for the highest quality possible,
3. as soon as possible.

But here's the thing: I typically only get to pick two.

For example, let's say I want to buy my dream house. I will either save up a large down payment over many years, or get it now with a large loan payment. Or, if I'm willing to give up my dream house… dream, I can buy a different house now - in a cheaper location, in worse condition, or in a smaller size - to keep the payments low.

I run into this choice regularly with contractors. Usually, quality is fixed, which means I trade off on price and timing. My default is to be flexible on timing so I can get a better price, but sometimes, a property emergency forces me to pay top dollar to solve a problem immediately.

Keeping these trade-offs in mind helps me make smarter purchasing decisions.

The Business Side

I also find the business side of this framework fascinating. In general, your offering needs to be at least 2X better than their alternative in at least one of those dimensions to get customers to switch.

For example, I target a return for my investors that's 2X better than an alternative investment. And, I guarantee a minimum return that's inherently much better than the stock market.

That's the trick for seeing companies grow: can they offer a 2X or even a 10X improvement? And can they do it in more than one dimension?

Think about when Netflix started streaming movies and shows. They solved for "now," which was 100X better than going to a video store. By setting a fixed monthly price, they also got closer to free than anyone else. The trade-off, at first, was a small A-list catalog, but they solved that too by producing their own shows and buying more streaming rights. It's no wonder they're worth $270 billion!

When Amazon started, it focused on books. You could buy any book cheaply, but you had to wait for it to ship. And, famously, Amazon solved the shipping problem to the point that it's borderline more convenient to order something from Amazon than go to a store (which may or may not have what you want).

So, if you're starting a business, ask yourself how you can be at least 2X better on price, speed, or quality. If you can achieve that, you have the start of a compelling offer.

If you're considering investing in a business, try to understand how it's at least 2X better on one of those dimensions than their customer's best alternative (and how sustainable that advantage is). If you only invest in those businesses, your wealth will grow quickly.

Our Epic Chore Chart

Jessi and I realized a little while back that our kids could contribute more around the house. So, we brainstormed a list, shared it with the kids, asked if we missed anything, and then divided up the chores.

To our surprise, the kids volunteered for many of the tasks! It was great!

For the ones that nobody wanted to do (like picking up dog poop), we agreed to a rotation.

And then Jessi got super creative and made an epic chore chart:

Why write names when you can custom-make little magnets with our faces?

And off to the side are the extra magnets and a reference list of who does what:

It turns out that our kids enjoy checking off a list as much as we do, so it's been incredibly effective. Sometimes, they'll ask us if they can watch a show, and we'll say yes... after they complete their items (and homework).

And, if I'm honest, it works well to remind me of things I need to do (like pull weeds). When I do everything for the day, I feel a sense of calm because I know I'm caught up. It made something that feels never-ending, finite.

I have a hunch we'll still use this tool years after the kids leave the house.

I Completed a 7 Day Media Fast

 The rules are simple: no media for 7 days. This includes:

• TV shows, movies, and short videos (YouTube, TikTok, etc)
• Music, audiobooks, and podcasts
• Social media
• News, blog posts, articles, and books
• Video games (physical games are fine)

Basically, it's anything that you consume. It doesn't matter if it's "good" or "bad" because the point is to take a break from it all. This also includes turning off any notifications related to it. On challenges like these, I tend to eschew exceptions (if I'm doing it, I do it all the way), and I'd encourage you to be uncomfortable.

Oh yeah, and only check/reply to email during two 30-minute chunks.

If you've never tried it, I recommend it. I did it 15 years ago and loved it. The difference this time is that I did it with a friend.

The 4-Hour Workweek

I first learned about the idea in Tim Ferriss's book The 4-Hour Workweek. The point is to help us identify how much information and distraction exist in our lives by doing a media equivalent of an elimination diet.

Like most things, distractions sneak up on us. On both occasions, I was surprised at how productive I was. Although I was mentally exhausted at the end of the day, I felt like I genuinely gave my 100% best, which, if I'm honest, isn't something I could say for a long time.

Then, once you're done, you can be intentional about what you allow (or not!) back into your life. For example, I turned off my email notifications during my fast 15 years ago, and they're still off.

My Observations

I found myself reflexively grabbing my iPad to "kill time" and remembering I wasn't supposed to do that. I was doing it a lot! That's something I want to continue now that I'm back to normal. I want to think of a few items I can put next to my iPad, so I grab one of them instead. Maybe a deck of cards?

It turns out that I don't miss the news. I was a little bummed that I didn't get to watch SpaceX's launch, but then my brother gave me the play-by-play afterward, and in some ways, I think it was better. Though, I plan to watch it because he made it sound pretty exciting. As for everything else, I don't know what I missed, and I'm OK with that.

Driving in silence is... OK. I think it's good to let my brain rest and process instead of instantly putting something on in my ears. Though, on a couple of occasions, I had a half-hour drive and found myself bored in the middle. But maybe I need to be bored more often? I might put a 5-minute rule in place: no listening to anything for at least 5 minutes when I get into the car.

Like 15 years ago, I completely caught up on my email and reached that mythical Inbox Zero. I want to get back to having regular, but limited, focused time for email. My 90-day summer goal is to have at most 20 emails after checking my email. I can do that without a problem if I keep a similar email discipline.

The evenings were the hardest. Because of some health issues, Jessi goes to bed pretty early (~9pm), and that's typically when I watch a movie or play video games. I'm not ready to sleep, but I'm also not in the mood to work on something. I never found anything worth doing. Perhaps my next 90-day goal should be to find a new evening pastime.

Doing it with a friend is fun! You can encourage and commiserate together. It also makes you seem less of a weirdo if people know someone else is doing it because it comes across as "I'm doing a challenge" instead of "I have a problem."

It really did shine a light on how much information and distractions are in my life. It's something that slowly crept up, and I'm glad I did this to reset. I'd encourage you to give it a try. I think it would be good for me to do it once a year.

Why Did TikTok Ban Me?

A strange thing happened to me recently.

My wife and I started a podcast about real estate at the beginning of the year. Like many podcasts, we began sharing short clips from the episode a little more than a month ago. Some are informative nuggets, and others are pure entertainment. I upload them to TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook.

It's all perfectly normal, right?

 Well, one day, I tried logging into TikTok via the browser to upload a new set of podcast clips, but it wouldn't let me. Instead, a tiny banner told me my account "was currently suspended."

Strange.

I contacted customer service and received an auto-reply instructing me to check my in-app notifications and submit an appeal.

Hi there, Thanks for contacting TikTok! We have received your request about a Content Violation or Ban. If you believe your content was incorrectly removed, please let us know by submitting an appeal in app. Your feedback helps us improve the way we keep our community safe. To submit an appeal: 1. Locate the notification in your TikTok inbox. 2. Tap the notification. 3. Tap Submit an appeal. 4. Follow the instructions provided. Or Go to the video. 2. Tap Community Guidelines violation: See details. 3. Tap Submit an appeal. 4. Follow the instructions provided. For more information on our moderation process, please visit: https://support.tiktok.com/en/safety-hc/account-and-user-safety/content-violations-and-bans#support Please feel free to reach back out if you weren't able to resolve your issue with the steps above. Thank you, The TikTok Team

OK... but I can't log in. I reply to the message saying so. At this point, my thought is that this is only a log-in issue. I sign in with Apple, and perhaps that's the issue?

Nope! Twelve minutes later, they reply with shocking news:

Hi there,

Thanks for contacting TikTok.

We understand how important your account is to you. After further review, your account will remain permanently banned due to a violation of our Integrity and Authenticity policy.

Please note that our Community Guidelines apply to both public and private content, as well as hashtags and links to third party websites. For further information on your account violation, please reference our Community Guidelines: https://www.tiktok.com/community-guidelines?lang=en

Best,

The TikTok Team

Wait. What?

According to their Integrity and Authenticity policy, there are six ways to get in trouble:

1. Misinformation: Inaccurate, misleading, or false content that may cause significant harm to individuals or society, regardless of intent.
2. Civic and Election Integrity: Paid political promotion, political advertising, or fundraising by politicians and political parties (for themselves or others). Or, misinformation about civic and electoral processes, regardless of intent.
3. Synthetic and Manipulated Media: Synthetic or manipulated media that shows realistic scenes must be clearly disclosed. Synthetic media that contains the likeness of any real private figure. Synthetic media of public figures if the content is used for endorsements or violates any other policy.
4. Fake Engagement: The trade of services that attempt to artificially increase engagement or deceive TikTok's recommendation system.
5. Unoriginal Content and QR Codes: Content that violates someone else's intellectual property rights.
6. Spam and Deceptive Account Behaviors: Account behaviors that may spam or mislead our community.

I gave what felt like a reasonable reply:

Thank you for your prompt response. I appreciate your efforts in maintaining the community guidelines. I'm more than willing to make any necessary adjustments to my content to ensure it aligns with the policies.

Also, I must admit, I'm confused. I read the Community Guidelines, and I don't understand how I violated the Integrity and Authenticity policy. I post short clips of my podcast, which doesn't seem to violate the policy—it's my wife and I talking about investing in real estate.

Is there a particular video/topic that's causing a problem?

James

But, alas, I didn't receive a response.

I'm honestly unsure where I ran afoul and am genuinely curious about why TikTok banned me.

On one hand, my views were low, and the probability of reaching a potential investor is low, so it's not a huge business loss. And I only occasionally watched videos, so that's a small loss, too.

But on the other hand, come on! This feels unfair. Banning someone seems like a big deal, but I only received canned responses. I get that I'm a speck of a fish in their sea and that automated systems are valuable despite not being perfect. I'd feel a little better if they gave me the impression that an actual human spent 5 minutes verifying the situation and told me why I was banned.

Or, perhaps I need to Judo the situation and use the ban to my advantage rather than oppose it directly.

• "So controversial that TikTok banned it!"
• "Results so amazing that TikTok thought it was fake."
• "I'm focusing on distribution channels where my ideal investors hang out."
• "I believe in investing in America."

My Judo is a work in progress.

Until then, you can enjoy our controversial podcast clips featuring our amazing results by investing in America on the platforms where the best investors hang out: YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook. They're so good that TikTok didn't feel worthy to show them.

How To Get The Most Out Of An Online Course

I invest a lot in taking online courses. Some are a few hundred dollars, and some are a few thousand dollars! I love them because it's an opportunity to learn from an expert—with YEARS of experience—who took the time to analyze their craft, organize it in a digestible way, and then methodically teach it.

I know that I could search online for answers or learn through the school of hard knocks, but beyond the time investment, it's hard to separate the wheat from the chaff. I like having an expert tell me what's essential and in an order that builds on itself. Plus, most free resources don't go as deep—they don't provide the exact samples, scripts, models, etc.

Taking online courses is one of the highest ROIs I know.

I've taken courses on writing, playing bass guitar, making videos, syndications, delegating, and land flipping - to list a few.

But you can't just watch them like a TV show. After taking many courses, I've devised a method that works well for me. If I spend time and money on a course, I must get the most out of it.

I'll get to my exact steps, but first, let's talk about video games.

Mastering Video Games

Growing up, I mastered video games by following a specific method:

• I'd play the game, experiment, and eventually figure out the controls. My brother and I were usually evenly matched, and often, he picked up skills faster than me.
• Then I'd read the game manual cover to cover. Because I had the context of the game, the instructions would stick, and I'd learn the advanced skills of the game.
• I'd leapfrog my brother. If it were a fighting or sports game, I'd demolish him.
• Eventually, I'd teach him what I learned, he'd improve, and we'd become competitive again.

It's a bit of a ready-fire-aim strategy: try something (and flail), then learn how to do it properly, try again with much better results, and then teach someone else to cement the concepts. Then, keep practicing while re-reading the instructions to learn specific parts as needed.

So, when I'm considering an online course, it's because I've been trying something and feel like I'm flailing. Or it's because I have knowledge gaps that searching online doesn't fill, and I want an expert to fill those in for me.

Let's get into my process.

Step 0: Read The Book

Before I buy a course, I'll read the creator's work. If they have a book, I'll read it. If not, I'll download their "free tool/report" and subscribe to their emails. I want to sample their teaching style and expertise. Ideally, it's something paid that took effort to create (like a book) because they're not trying to sell me anymore; they're in teaching mode.

It has several benefits: 1) It's a cheap way to sample the course beyond their sales pitch. 2) I can try implementing what I learn to see how effective it is, setting me up for the lessons to sink in deeper. And 3) It often gives me a solid overview of the scope of the course.

If I don't have time (or interest) to read the book, tool, or report, I shouldn't take the course.

Step 1: Binge Watch Everything

I start a course with many questions and find it difficult to focus on the current lesson until I know my specific questions will be answered. So, my solution is to binge-watch everything. I don't take any notes or try to remember anything. Instead, I let the entire thing wash over me.

I aim to get the lay of the land and answer my burning questions. My experience is that there can sometimes be a lot of filler or things I already know, and binging helps me figure out where to dive deep in step 2.

But despite speed running through it, I still have TONS of ah-ha moments because I already have specific questions.

Step 2: Do The Exercises and Rewatch Lessons

Once I finish the course, I start over. But this time, I do the exercises and then rewatch the lessons on subjects I want to sink in. I'll also take notes and apply what I've learned. Doing the exercises before rewatching helps me identify gaps and know where to pay attention when I rewatch the lesson.

I usually find that I spend half as much time on this step as on the bring-watching. Part of the reason is that I don't rewatch everything (like intro videos)—I'm only diving deep into my knowledge gaps.

Doing the exercises is critical because I learn best when I try it. I even do those that seem trivial because A) I start with the assumption that the expert added it for a reason, and B) I often pick up a couple of knowledge bits from doing it.

For example, one exercise involved identifying good investment markets. I already knew how to do it, but forcing myself to do it revealed some areas for improvement.

Step 3: Refresher

I don't always do this, but sometimes I'll go back 6-12 months later and rewatch parts of a course. This is especially true for newer skills because I know there were nuggets of knowledge I wasn't ready to receive.

For example, when I learned to play bass guitar, I got proficient enough to play in my church's worship band but still had gaps. So, after playing for a few months, I rewatched some of the lessons and picked up skills I missed the first time.

Also, once a month, I'll pick one or two lessons from a course and rewatch them. I'll pick ones that feel relevant to whatever I'm working on. I'm not trying to learn anything specific - I'm simply trying to re-steep myself in the concept. And often, I have an "oh yeah… I remember that now" moment.

So that's my process. Online courses are one of the best investments you can make. For $200 - $2,000, you can learn from an expert in an organized, comprehensive course at your own pace. It's incredible.

Safety Third

I heard the line “safety third” on a podcast a few years ago, and I wholeheartedly embraced it. This might be a little pedantic, but I think it’s worth the distinction for my mindset.

Saying you believe in “safety first” is false. Nobody actually practices it. If a sea captain said they believed in safety first, they’d never leave the dock because that’s the safest thing to do - but if they did that, they wouldn’t be a real ship captain.

The first priority is achieving the goal.

To be clear, it’s not the only priority - it just comes first. If a goal didn’t exist, there would be no action and, therefore, no reason to declare any priorities.

And if you don’t achieve a goal for safety reasons, it feels like a tie. You’ll take it, but it wasn’t really the desired outcome.

Why Not Safety Second?

I prefer innovation as my second priority. How might I achieve the goal better? Is there a new innovative way to achieve it faster, cheaper, better, safer, etc.? It’s a priority of creativity and discernment that’s important to take before jumping into action.

This is how you get better.

What are the implications of a safety third mantra?

First, it promotes contextual awareness and assessing risk based on the situation. You don’t default to the least risky option. Instead, you evaluate your skills and the goal to make an informed decision.

Some questions that I ask to help me evaluate the risk include:

• What are the worst things that could happen?
• Could I get back here?
• Is this favorable on a risk-adjusted basis?
• Can I live with the worst-case scenario?

As someone who tends to be unreasonably optimistic, I sometimes have to enlist Jessi to help thoroughly evaluate the downside possibilities of doing something.

In this way, safety becomes more meaningful and not a meaningless platitude. Plus, if I know someone else has a safety third mindset, and they bring up a safety issue, I’m less dismissive.

Finally, you have to admit that some unwanted things will happen. But that’s OK! When they occur, focus on the good. What did you learn? What new opportunities does this create? There is ALWAYS something good that comes from bad things.

May you achieve your goals in an innovative way and be safe along your journey.